Knowing
by Kaiti0412
Summary: Katie and Lynn haven't been getting along with each other lately. One day Lynn does something to make Katie release all the rage and pent up emotions. Fanfic of Kira Kira in Lynn's POV.


"I want milk," I demanded. Katie sighed deeply, exasperated, and came back a minute later clutching a glass half-filled with milk.

"I don't want it anymore," I said after the first sip, "I want water." I could see Katie's confusion and anger slowly bubbling past a barrier as she turned away to go back into the kitchen. A barrier that was trying to hide away all the unpleasantness she had felt towards me. Impatience, annoyance, frustration, disgust. I wasn't exactly sure why I was doing this to her; she was my sister and I loved her. I knew I shouldn't have been so difficult; trust me, I knew, but my heart and my mind were telling me different things and to make matters worse, life was rushing me along, not allowing me catch up.

Katie returned to the room once more, but with water this time, just like I had asked for. I swallowed a gulp under her cautious stare.

"I don't want water anymore," I said, crinkling my nose in distaste, "get me juice." That was when she snapped.

Katie tore the glass out of my hand and flung it against the wall, letting it shatter into a million, razor sharp pieces. I stared at her as she glared back at me. I saw the complex swirl of mixed emotions in her eyes as she headed toward me with the fury that had been building up inside of her since all of this began. Laying my head against the softness of my pillow, I studied her as she stomped across the bedroom.

_Katie, you've grown so much without my help_, I thought sadly, _I should have been there for you more instead of pretending I enjoyed being friends with Amber. Friends and boys should have never been considered more important than family. I knew that, yet… _

A sudden pain across my left cheek aroused me from my regretful ponderings. Then a pair of small but strong hands roughly grabbed my shoulders shaking me hard back and forth.

"Who are you?" she screamed in my face, "What have you done?" She was inches away, yet her voice seemed faint, like a lost bird flying off into the distance, but I didn't have to hear her to know what she was saying. It was all laid out in front of me, on the twisted expression of her face.

"I've been trying so hard for you since you've been sick! All you've done was become ungrateful and bossy! Mom and Dad are having a hard time because of you, trying to gather every little penny to get you medication. You've always the pretty one, the smart one, the brave one, the nice and gentle one; the one everyone loved the most! Why do you think Mom and Dad are trying so hard to save you? 'Cause you're the one they have all their pride in. They wish it was the stupid, cowardly ugly one with the illness. Me. I'm just your insignificant little sister. Do you know how difficult it is to be compared to you? Everyday people look at me and think, 'Oh, that's Lynn's sister,' do they even know I have a name? Did you even consider how I felt? Maybe a few years back but now, you don't care about anyone but yourself. You have no right to call yourself Lynn. The real Lynn would never do this to me! What did you do with my sister!" by then Katie was screaming hysterically. Her dark eyes penetrated into mine, frantically searching for hidden answers. With a blank expression, I stared back at her. Then I realized it wasn't fury. I knew there was something more in her intense gaze I had missed, something I had misinterpreted. Her anger was just a mask I realized. Digging deeper, I found her fear screaming out at me. How did I miss something so obvious? Of course she would be scared. But was she scared of me or the illness? That, I didn't know. The question tugged at my heart. She even accused me of taking the place of "the real Lynn"_. I am Lynn!_ I wanted to shout out to the world, but in a strange way I, too, wondered where the real me went. _Oh Katie. I'm so so so sorry. _But I knew sorry wasn't enough. Never is.

Our eyes were still locked on each other. Her hands were still on my shoulders. Finally, I had to look away, ashamed. She clenched my shoulders once more, giving them a last squeeze and released me from her shaky but firm grip. Raising my hand to where Katie slapped me, I lightly ran the tips of my fingers against my cheek to find it still stinging with pain and wet with…tears. I was crying. I looked down at my hand to verify and slowly turned my head toward my sister. Her back was turned to me but from the unstable, trembling movements of her shoulders, I knew she was unsuccessfully using all her strength to hold back tears. _Me? Brave? No. That has always been you, Katie. _I wanted to reach out to hug her, to comfort her, to stroke her long, silky black hair and tell her everything was going to be alright. But I knew I would have been lying. This disease was as confusing to her as it was to me. Maybe more. Slamming the door behind her, Katie ran off, her footsteps fading. I knew she needed her space. _I'm tearing her up inside. She doesn't deserve this. I'm breaking this whole family apart. None of them deserve this. None of them. _

Gritting my teeth, I yanked at my hair. Anger and frustration had me trapped in their sick little game. I wanted to be set free, free from this illness holding me prisoner, free from the cruelties of this world. I opened my mouth to scream but was unable to utter a sound. Silently, I cried out in pain, a web of emotions clawing at my heart, leaving me hanging on to dear life. _Go away! _I wanted to shout as my hopes and dreams drifted further and further away from my reach, _just go away. I don't want to be sick! I want a future with a successful career and I want a house by the beach. I want to see my brother and sister grow up and I want to fall in love with the perfect man. I want to shower my parents with gifts of thanks for what they have done for me and I want to love and raise children of my own. So please…_I begged the illness taking over me, my body, life, identity. _Please go away…_

The one thing I despised most in the world was hastily making its way through my body to retrieve my soul. Maybe that is why I treated Katie like that. I didn't want her to miss me. Because I knew I was dying. And of all the things I knew, I knew this illness was taking a piece of me each day. I also knew my death was going to affect Katie the most. My time on earth was going to be over soon…and I knew it.


End file.
